Payment reality - not myths:
Private pay: Most common initially. Savings, retirement income, selling the home, life insurance, family contributions. Run the numbers: if monthly cost is $7,500 and you have $180,000 saved, that's 24 months. Then what?
Long-term care insurance: Many policies cover memory care. Verify: daily/monthly benefit amount, coverage duration, elimination period (often 90 days before coverage starts), and whether it requires specific dementia diagnosis. Long-term care insurance buys time - typically 1-3 years - but doesn't eliminate need for other funding.
Medicaid: Some states cover memory care after private funds deplete. Reality check: some states have robust dementia waiver programs, others provide minimal coverage or years-long waitlists. Many memory care communities don't accept Medicaid (low reimbursement). Some accept Medicaid only after 1-2 years private pay. Verify your state's coverage AND which communities accept it before money runs out.
Veterans benefits: VA Aid & Attendance provides roughly $2,000-2,400/month for qualifying veterans or surviving spouses. Offsets costs but doesn't cover full memory care fees. Check VA.gov eligibility.
Medicare: Does NOT cover memory care residential costs. Period. Medicare covers skilled services (therapy, nursing) if medically necessary but not room, board, or custodial dementia care.
Most residents enter with 12-24 months private pay, then transition to Medicaid. Plan this transition proactively - confirm Medicaid acceptance, understand spend-down, work with elder law attorneys - or face crisis scrambling when funds deplete.
Choosing memory care feels like abandonment. Families agonize, delay, feel crushing guilt. Reality: professional memory care often provides better quality of life than exhausted family caregivers burning out at home. Trained staff understand dementia behaviors. Structured environments reduce anxiety. And removing 24-hour caregiving burden preserves relationships - you can be a daughter or son again instead of a caregiver collapsing from exhaustion and resentment.
You didn't fail them. The disease progressed beyond what one person can manage. That's reality.